This is going to hurt

An update

You’d think I’d be used to this by now, I’m going to be honest: the news that I need to undergo my third heart surgery since early 2024 really walloped me, to put it mildly. I’m a pessimist by nature, but mentally bracing for the worst out of habit and maybe superstition doesn’t really prepare you for when the bomb actually drops from the sky (or your doctor calls you at 6pm on a Wednesday evening with “disappointing news”).

Being sick is a full-time job, even when you have a short runway to surgery: between conferring with doctors, additional tests, more conferring, hammering out logistics, and figuring out finances, there’s barely enough time to process what you’re actually facing. Add in a full-time job, the fear of the unknown, the deep familiarity of the pain that comes with the best-case outcome, and having an adorable three-year-old son who can’t fully comprehend why you’re so bummed and distracted (plus guilt that comes with being bummed and distracted in the few weeks left before surgery), and functioning becomes a legitimate challenge. Writing highly technical news about the federal government and all 50 states at times feels impossible.

Time to get pumped, vol. 3

I’m not writing this to complain or fish for sympathy; I’m a pretty private person, I get nauseous at the thought of public vulnerability, and most of me thinks this is gratuitous and annoying (apologies if you agree). But I have paid subscribers who expect and deserve regular output, and over the past week, I’ve fallen short of that responsibility. Not for lack of trying — I have started two or three new newsletters, only to stop halfway through, pressed for time and unable to focus. Nobody sees those half-written drafts, though, so they really don’t mean much at all.

Everyone has been very kind about my situation — the comments in the last post were really uplifting — and this email isn’t a response to any demand from anyone. I just thought I’d give you all a heads up, along with an explanation for the radio silence.

Anyway, the plan is to get back to sending out newsletters tomorrow or Thursday at the latest; I’ve got a big news roundup in the works as well as another newsletter on Trump’s assault on our elections on tap. After that, I’ll do my best to keep them going until I have to enter the hospital for an IV blood thinner transition on August 16th.

(Why am I explaining the medical process? Well, I can’t find any case studies or first-person stories about somebody who has had a seventh open-heart surgery, especially not in my circumstances, so if nothing else, it’d be nice if my experience could be something that other people could reference one day.)

Thank you all for your patience.

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